When I started blogging I was 14 years old. I wrote about boys, boys and boys. Oh and my family and friends. And boys.
I have one of my old blogs bookmarked from 9 years ago. I was reading some of it yesterday. I was so depressing! I had been cheated on by my boyfriend, then I dated another guy and broke up with him. And then there was another guy who wasn’t ready for a relationship. I had a lot of that going on. I’m so glad I don’t have to go through any of that anymore!
I can’t access my first blog, unfortunately. The one after that I’m trying to get access to. I can’t remember the password and I don’t have the email address anymore. So we’ll see how that goes.
Shortly after I started this blog I met my husband. I wrote about him VERY OFTEN! After we were married I started writing about being an Army Wife and going through deployment. I also write about myself.
Now that my husband is retired from the Army, I’m not an active duty Army Wife. I’m not planning my wedding, obviously. I’m not a Mommy. I just don’t really know where I fit in, what my niche is. In part, this goes along with my search of myself. Maybe I’m having an identity crisis. I honestly struggle with this fairly regularly.
Am I alone in this? How do I get out of my funk? I used to be so positive and happy. Now I just go through life day by day. Bored. Working my direct sales businesses. Hardly seeing my husband at all because he works so much. My friends are either in other states or too busy to come see me.
I have trouble sleeping. I lay in bed for hours, wide awake. It is so frustrating. Then when I am awake sometimes I find myself just sitting, staring. For long periods of time. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
Through all of this, I can’t come up with anything good to write about. My life is so boring. Why would anyone want to read about it? I used to think I was, at least, a tiny bit interesting. I used to tell stories to my friends about my life. They loved it and always asked to hear my stories. I suppose that’s why I started blogging. (That and I just love the attention)
I feel like I should blog more honestly. Not that I blog dishonestly. I just mean that I should put myself out there more. My problems, my insecurities, my failings. Maybe I can help someone who is going through the same thing. I know I always feel better if I know that I’m not the only one who hasn’t done laundry or dishes in days and they can’t fix their hair worth anything. To know that someone else understands my grief. Actually understands it, not just says the customary “I understand sweetie.”
Of course, I haven’t been so brutally honest in my blogging since I have it connected to my social media. I’ve always been afraid to let the people in my life know what’s REALLY going on with me. Very few people really know what I go through. (They know who they are.) Maybe, just maybe, it’s time for me to open up more. After all, life is short. I know that all too well.